I can’t believe it’s been six months since I’ve last updated. It doesn’t feel that long, but I suppose a lot has happened since then.

I got promoted in May. I got downsized on Wednesday. I’m currently back in Kansas. This is my second trip this year, which is weird. I’m planning my wedding for sometime next summer in Raleigh. I’m applying to grad school and law school. Right now, I’m licking my wounds in the great state of Kansas in the incredibly confusing city of Manhattan. Whenever I say I’m from Manhattan in Raleigh, people always assume I mean New York, and I have to correct them. I need to just start saying I’m from Kansas, but that’s not how I think about myself.

But today, I’m here. In Manhattan, KS. It’s the first day that I’ve really felt like I should be at work, since Wednesday. It’s weird.

It’s the little things that are slowly hitting me. My key chain being half the weight. Feeling like I should be in my office in Chapel Hill instead of in a coffee shop in Manhattan, KS. I’m still checking my work email. I’m not responding, but I’m glancing at it, which seems weird. I just probably stop doing that. Like when I tell my friends they need to stop checking their ex’s Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace. A clean break. Amputation as a theory for break-ups, and apparently for jobs.

I’ve been working 50 to 60 hours a week since January between the call center and the test prep company, and then just the test prep company. To go from that, to nothing, terrifies me.

I’m just so uncertain now. I needed to recenter, so I ran away. At least, that’s what it felt like. But I was so scared I was just going to stop functioning in Raleigh. That I would be 19 again, and start sleeping the day away. Pretend like grad school and personal statements didn’t exist and just watch netflix or play video games. Otherwise known as things that don’t allow me to be a functioning adult. Which are all things I’ve done before.

I just don’t know where to start. I’ve just wrapped myself up so completely in work. Friends that I saw every week, I started seeing once a month or less. Acquaintances I saw once a month, I started seeing every six. As you know, I stopped writing my blog. In fact I stopped all cocktail creation, and just went with what I know when I made drinks. I lost myself in work. It swallowed me up. The hunter has opened the wolf’s belly, and I’ve escaped.

But, now what? I don’t know how to fill this hole that is appearing inside of me. Or the time. I also know that I need to spend this time working on my grad school applications, law school applications, and studying for the LSAT. It’s about moving forward. But finding the energy or motivation for that is just difficult right now. How do you write a personal statement and convince people to let you into their program and give you money, when you’re not convinced of it yourself.

I’m finding myself with a lot of doubts. I know it will get better. However, it’s the time from now until then that I’m having trouble with. For now, there are Metropolitans.

Metropolitan:

2 oz Brandy

1 oz Sweet Vermouth

1/2 oz Simple Syrup

• Add ice to a martini shaker.
• Add all ingredients.
• Shake dramatically.
• Pour and enjoy!

Evaluation:

I really like this drink. But I like Brandy, and for my martinis to be vermouth-y as I’m sure you’re all aware by now. Much like a good Manhattan, this drink is smooth. By adding the simple syrup, you reduce a lot of the bitterness that one would find. A lot of my friends don’t drink Metros or Manhattans, so be weary if you don’t like liquor on liquor. If you already know you like Brandy, or you just want to give it a try, definitely give this a try, especially since it’s so inexpensive.

Cost:

750 mL bottle of Brandy:       $10

750 mL bottle of Vermouth: $5

Box of Sugar:                                 $3

Water:                                               $0 (unless you pay for water)

Total cost: $18 (assuming you don’t have sugar in your cabinet.)

Alright, I’ve written for you, I need you guys to do me a favor, gentle readers. I’ve been uninspired recently when it comes to drinks. What drinks do you like? What flavors? Every thought of a good drink, but never got it just right? Leave your comments below.

And, as always, happy, and safe, drinking.

So I’m applying for jobs right now, and when you search my email address my blog comes up. A friend of mine gave me the advice to change my blog domain name, because employers may find it and not hire me because of it.

So I switched my blog to http://alldrinksconsidered.wordpress.com

I realized though, that I am really proud of this blog. If you search “Does creme de cacao have lactose?” I’m the number 2 hit on Google for this blog post. I am aware that is a super neardy thing to be proud of, but I am. So I changed the privacy settings back to public.

So, I may be risking employment with this blog. I’m not going to pretend I wouldn’t be disappointed either. I’m not that cool to be apathetic. Unfortunately. I’ll always be the nerdy kid who read too much, and people thought was a vampire when I was in grade school. I am always going to be self conscious about what people think about me. The nice thing about getting older is that it becomes easier to do what you want even in the face of your limitations.

So, I’ve decided that this blog is going to become a little bit more of an experiment. I’m going to post weird things here that I found about drinks or whatever. It’ll probably be reworked into my more polished blog at http://alldrinksconsidered.wordpress.com

I hope you keep reading this one (or the other one) or ideally both. As I’m sure you all know from previous blog posts, I’m really self conscious about my blog. I have no idea why, either. It’s really bizarre. Even with seeing my name on the front of page of Google, I’m totally shocked.

So, that’s what’s going on with me. Ideally, I am going to try and start blogging more, but I feel like I have promised you that a million times gentle readers. Thanks for your patience. Switching gears …

Restaurant Martini Lists

This is something that I am really oddly passionate about. Restaurant martini lists. Especially here in Raleigh with so many great restaurants across 4 major cities and a gazillion suburbs and outlying small towns, it’s only natural that I would do my fair share of sampling of the martini menu.

I know lots of restaurant snobs. I am not really a restaurant snob. But I have discovered, I am a cocktail menu snob. If you’re going to provide me with a cocktail list, it better be good. I was spoiled early with the cocktail menu at Della Voce in the MHK. On Thursdays, they used to have $5 martinis, and you definitely had to put on your big girl panties when you went drinking there. I got really spoiled. They’re drinks were just incredible. One of the best things about their list is that almost all of their cocktails were original. There was a Kir Royale, but outside of you, gentle readers, who even knows what a Kir Royale is?

But, ultimately, a restaurant should have a cocktail menu that represents the restaurant and what it’s about. It should not have drinks on the menu I could literally get anywhere.

For example, it is only okay to put a Margarita on the menu if it’s on special that night or you’re serving it to me with my complimentary chips and salsa before I eat my Mexican food.You have tequila, triple sec, and lime juice. I know that you can make me a Margarita, do you? Because if you don’t, I think I just want beer or my check.

Also, when you go out, unless you have a yen for something specific, I think you should always try the house drinks. If it’s a good list, then you should be trying drinks you may not be able to try anywhere else.

There is one important exception to this rule, though, and that’s the following: If you serve a drink that has champagne in it. This is so uncommon that no changes need to be made to drink. I’m always willing to order the Flirtini, because it has champagne in it and you can rarely get it anywhere. But you can at the Big Easy in downtown Raleigh.

The drink menu should be as good as the actual menu. Restaurants should have bartenders hired who can make delicious drinks, in the same way you have chefs who make delicious food. They should balance each other.

Ultimately, a Cosmopolitan, while delicious, should never EVER appear on a menu. I’ve seen them listed as a good special martini. Save yourself the money, and make this one at home.

Cosmopolitan

2 oz. Citrus Vodka

2 oz Cranberry Juice

1 oz. Triple Sec

• Add ice to a martini shaker.
• Add all ingredients.
• Shake dramatically.
• Pour and enjoy!

Evaluation

Traditional wisdom has a Cosmo being made with unflavored vodka. The citrus vodka compliments the triple sec really well. As many of you may know, Cosmos are often served with a lemon, but you know how I feel about fruit in a drink. Waste of space. Finally, the drink just has a really good crisp, clean taste. There is little after taste. I cannot reinforce this enough, a Cosmo’s flavor should be crisp and clean.

Cost

750 mL bottle of Absolute Citrus Vodka: $12

750 mL bottle of Triple Sec: $3

Cranberry Juice: $5

Total Cost: $19

Cheap and delicious. Let me know what you think.

As always, happy and safe drinking.

Also, Hello to you, Gentle Reader.

It’s been a while. I make my humble apologies. I have no (good) excuses, but I’ll try them out anyway.

I’ve been really struggling with trying to find my voice for my blog. Do I write about cocktails I’ve found in books? In restaurants? Just drinks I’ve made up? I’ve been going through this existential crisis about my blog. And I’m aware it’s ridiculous to have a crisis about your blog.

It’s just that every time I go to write I want it to be perfect. I imagine all the stars aligning, me with something brilliant to say that means something about the existence of us, me, all of us together in the universe. I imagine this blog with perfect photos taken every time, of drinks that are so fantastic you would be amazed you’ve never heard of them before. You would wonder how fate would conspire in your favor to lead you to my blog about this meaningful cocktail that you must have.

Instead I would start writing. I have five blog posts started, here, and ten more in my head. February was going to be the month of Valentine’s Day cocktails. Followed by March with cocktails relating to Women’s History Month followed by a rousing essay about feminism and cocktails. Instead in lives in limbo where it was birthed — holding onto dear life, waiting to either die or entire the world into a full existence. But, now, it’s living a half life. Somewhere between creativity and failure. Between extraordinary and ordinary.

Unfortunately, I am not so luck to have the stars align into such brilliant perfection. If it wasn’t for the fact that I had a slice of brilliance back in October and wrote about Creme de Cacao and lactose, I might have stopped. But that little stroke has continued to give me hits even as I have descended into a world away from wordpress but not from cocktails.

Cocktails are one of the few things I do well. Me, and no one else I know. (No offense to any bartender friends.) But I love knowing how a vodka martini sort of, fits together, and becomes the drink. I love knowing how it evolved and became what it was. Especially as I have continued to get feedback at my call center job and applied for other jobs and being friends with brilliant, witty, and wealthy in Raleigh, it sometimes seems like it’s the only thing I have to offer. It’s what I’m good at. It’s unique. Maybe writing a bad blog post would represent some sort of failure.

Or maybe I’ve just had really bad writer’s block.

I’m not sure. But I’m back, and I’ve explained myself. I suppose you can take my two and a half month hiatus as abandonment, writer’s block, or fear. I suppose, at least for tonight, when I can’t sleep, I’m reaching out to you instead of to Jane Austen, Agatha Christie, or one of my fraternity brothers, dear readers.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a 1,000 times. If you can’t be terrific, at least by prolific. On to the drink!

The Old Fashioned

6 or 8 oz Rocks Glass

2 oz Whiskey

The Juice of Half a Lemon

1 tbsp of sugar/1 tbsp of simple syrup

2 dashes Angostura Bitters

2 oz Club Soda

Ice

• Fill completely with Ice
• Pour in Whiskey and Lemon Juice
• Measure in simple syrup or sugar
• Top with 2 dashes Angostura Bitters
• Fill with club soda (the club soda should be fill less than half the glass.)
• Stir with a bar spoon

Evaluation

I really like this drink. But I also really like liquor and to taste my booze. I know many people who think I drink things too strong or too bitter. I think they’re tasty. Recommendation, I think that this drink is made easier with simple syrup than sugar, because sugar is difficult to stir and incorporate fully into a drink. As a liquid the simple syrup is easier to mix in and you don’t end up with the sugar sludge.  I like it; but sometimes I feel like the last of a dying breed and I am be the only one.

Cost

I enjoy Jack Daniels or Crown Royal for this drink, so:

Whiskey: $25 for a 750 mL bottle

Club Soda: $1.00

Lemon: $1.00

Sugar: Practically Free

Ice: Practically Free

Total: $27.00 or so

As always, happy, and safe, drinking

Now that Mary lives with me, I’m pretty sure I’ve reduced the number of blog readers from two to one (Thanks, Jennifer!) Or Mary’s sister.

My life has gotten a little more interesting in the last two weeks, since I’ve taken my hiatus. I have a new roommate, Mary, from the Dal-Hass, Tay-Hoss (Dallas, TX). I’ve also really started teaching at Kaplan.

My classes were canceled due to Raleigh Blizzard 2010, which Michael, Mary, and I thankfully survived. We got 5 inches of snow. The city shut down for weekend. They shut school down for Monday and Tuesday. The Friday before the blizzard, we made our run to the ABC Package store (liquor store for those who do not have state run stores.) By the way, if you are endanger of being stuck at home, it’s all about the mixers and liquor, instead of everyone else where there was a run on bread, milk, and bananas. Who thinks, blizzard, bananas? Bananas were out all over the city. There were none to be had in Raleigh.

So, that’s what I’ve been up to.  This update is for Jennifer and Kearsten, who are the two people who read my blog (yes, mid-post, I remembered Kearsten.)

Side note: I was interrupted writing by the ghetto screaming match from the downstairs neighbors. It was awesome. It was definitely a Baby Mama Drama fight. But their children may need some Child Protective Services. Maybe.

These are policies I would like to add as an addendum to the “Good Neighbor Policy” for the Villages at Lake Boone Trail.

1) If you’re going to fight outside, please avoid the inner courtyard. The echoing make it difficult to eavesdrop.

2) If you’re going to fight outside, please speak clearly. If you’re going to have a screaming match, the neighbors are going to hear every scream. They might as well hear every word.

3) If there are more than two of you — in our case, at least four — please take turns. Screaming on top of each other makes it difficult to know what you’re saying.

4) Don’t call your father while a Baby Mama Drama Fight is going down outside. Sorry, Dad, I was ignoring you on the phone. I couldn’t hear you if I wanted to.

Back to our regularly schedule program:

Anyway, so I’ve experimenting with various Valentine’s Day and Anti-Valentine’s Day cocktails. I’ve finally came up with a cocktail list for Valentine’s Day.

The cocktails that I’ll be putting in my blog leading up to V-Day and then for the party are the following:

Anti-Valentine’s Day Cocktails

1.) A Stinger

2)  Blowjob

3) Anti-Valentine’s Day Cocktail

Pro-Valentine’s Day Cocktails

1) Sloe Gin Fizz

2) Capaccuni Martini

3) A, final, and surprise cocktail to be posted on Feb. 13th.

Valentine’s Day Cocktails

So, let’s talk about this for a bit. Finding a good Valentine’s Day cocktail is a lot like panning for gold. You have to get through a lot of shit in order to find an ounce of a good cocktail. It’s incredibly frustrating. I have tried drinks from all over the internet to find shit. Many drinks, especially anti-Valentine’s Day cocktails, are terrible. One of the Anti-Valentine’s Day drinks I found was 4 shots of straight Vodka, alone, in an airport bar. If you’re drinking alone, in an airport, when you’ve just got dumped on Valentine’s Day. You’re not drinking an Anti-Valentine’s Day Cocktail. You’re drinking to get wasted. I’m sad for you that you don’t have friends.

But many of these cocktails are like this. They don’t taste good. They’re not exciting, or adventurous. They’re just there. Boring, unadventurous, and all the ingredients could be found in the most tee-totaling of underage drinkers. Four straight shots of whiskey, sounds like a recipe to get over the flu, not to have a fun drink with your friends celebrating, or loathing, the world’s most romantic commercial holiday.

But, after the number of drinks that have gone South, or just down the drain, I finally have narrowed it down to what I would serve you, and for some of you, I may.

On to the drinks!

The Vodka Sour

1 1/2 oz Vodka

1 oz White Grapefruit Juice

Juice of half a lemon

1/2 oz Simple Syrup

• Mix all ingrediants in a low ball glass over ice.
• Stir
• Enjoy!

Evaluation

Really tasty. The original recipe I found called for putting 2 teaspoons of sugar instead of simple syrup, but by substituting that for the 1/2 oz of simple syrup, it just makes the drink easier, but doesn’t really change the flavor. Also, if you don’t have lemons, you can use limes, but it also changes the flavor of the drink.

If you decide to go with the original suggestion of 2 teaspoons of sugar, have a friend nearby. The drink needs to be shaken for three minutes that way.

Michael and I shaking the cocktail together. Have to have a friend.

And finally, the drink

Cost:

750 mL bottle of Vodka $15

1 bottle of simple syrup, practically free

1 Lemon $1

White Grapefruit Juice: $4

Total cost $20

This is the first of my many Valentine’s Day Cocktails. As always, happy, and safe, drinking.

So I don’t really have a cocktail to fit the story this blog post, but this was too funny and too weird not to blog about. I really, really wish I would have had my camera.

So I decided to go to Starbucks to be a pretentious poser and write, because Starbucks is about two blocks from my apartment. (It’s totally geography based only, fellow coffee snobs!) I grab my vanilla latte and sit down. There’s an empty banquette and I’m sitting at one end and no one else is in my little row except some woman who was still in her scrubs who had clearly just finished a shift at Rex hospital. She gets up to leave and these three girls sit down: A French girl with braces and a speech impediment; a light skinned black girl with poorly taken care of dreadlocks; and the pretty nondescript girl who you would see blowing the leading singer of Modest Mouse on stage or singing in the church choir. They all look they might enjoy the cannabis as well.

I ignore the girls for the first thirty minutes or so, and then I sort of slump out of my writing groove and decide it would be a good idea to people watch/eavesdrop. I discreetly alt-tab to go back to Itunes, spacebar to stop I-tunes, and  start listening. Clearly I have to watch the three girls who have been holding court to my left for that half hour. Their shtick: People would come over to them. The girls who grab the victim’s cell phone and talk them for five minutes before they are dismissed back to the conference room where another one of the fifteen unsuspecting people in the conference room repeats this bizarre little process.

My curiosity is peaked, so with the next interrogated person I clearly have to start listening. This mousy girl with braces comes out and, they ask, “Would you like to record this?” I’m already “WTF?”

She declines, and they pray over the cell phone for God to speak through them (through the cell phone. Apparently God is on Verizon) since this girl has come to them in good faith for their help and guidance. Each one recites part of this prayer  thing that goes something to the effect of “This girl has come to us in good faith. God speak through us so she may hear what you have to say.”

The girls then go around the circle to tell this girl about herself. “I feel like there’s a lot of art around you. Like painting and sculpture.” When the victim doesn’t respond, another of the trio starts in, “Or architecture. I feel like you’ve got a really good eye. But not as a profession.”

Then the third girl talked about how difficult and beautiful architecture was like she was going to design buildings as her hobby. About five minutes later she walked off and another girl walked up. At which point, the process started over again.

As I packed up and left Starbucks, I couldn’t help but thinking these three girls must have started off much like the Three Witches in MacBeth. Bad advice, seemingly coming from a good place, which is only set to destroy you. Maybe they’re just starting a cult.

Ultimately, it was very strange. But I didn’t hate my latte and wrote about 1000 words. Not a total loss.

Anyway, as always, happy, and safe drinking.

I’m without cocktail ideas, so if you have any for me, lust creating, love inducing, hatred inspiring cocktails, please feel free to send them my way. I will be updating with my first post, against the holiday later this week.

This whole event will end with a cocktail party celebrating the fruits of my labors of finding the perfect cocktails for you, gentle readers, because after all, “The cocktail party is a device for paying off obligations to people you don’t want to invite for dinner” — Charles Smith.

As always, happy, and safe, drinking.

I haven’t forgotten you, I’ve just been busy.

Recap

New Years was fantastic. I was hit on by two lovely young gentlemen.  Then a third one threw himself at me. Pictures of his penis on his I-Phone and everything. Michael was hit on too! But only by one guy. But who’s counting (I am! 300% of the world thinks I’m more attractive than Michael.)

I started working at Kaplan which has just been a disaster. The first weekend I almost wound up teaching students from my 2009 manual, because I didn’t realize there was a 2010 manual. I had no idea there was a proctoring guide. I almost ripped my hair out frantically prepping for class 3 hours before I had to teach it after I realized there was a completely new material I had to use.  I almost looked up Michal’s car insurance policy to see if it would cover me for a doctor’s visit, in case, I accidentally found myself injured in the vehicle and unable to teach. I pulled it of with hope and a prayer, but not much more than that.

What else?

I’m back to applying for jobs every time I have the urge to file a formal complaint against the company I work for. No, wait, not true. Last week I filed a formal complaint against one of the bosses at work. Super fun. On the upside, she’s finally treating me professionally at work. On the downside, I’m pretty sure I bought myself a one way ticket to getting fired.

I can’t find my camera cord. I was going to post my first video on Sunday, but no connectivity. Anyone wants to buy me a present to help rule the world, let me know.

Finally, apparently, Roo and I are becoming BFFs. You and me girl. Matching necklaces from Claire’s. Happy Birthday, Baby!

Love–

–The Writer

Finding the Recipe

This drink has been up and coming for years. My freshman year of college, my friend Ally and I decided we were going to make mudslide milk shakes things. Years later, I have no idea what we were thinking, but the best things about being friends with Ally D__ is that she is a catchphrase of whatever. Which means, I could basically get her to do almost anything I wanted, she would tell her mother, and then I would get in trouble from someone else’s mother. I’m still mad at you about the Oreo’s by the way. I want my $3 back. You clearly, did not enjoy them enough.

Anyway, private note for Miss D__ (You’re famous!) So it’s over spring break, between the two of us we have half a bottle of Bacardi Silver Rum that we decide we’re going to mix with ice cream and milk. For the three other people who think this is a good idea, thank you. For the rest of you, blended rum, ice cream, and milk is terrible. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever consumed. But you know my 18 year old self with my Grace (of Will and Grace fame) choked down like 4 of them. We called them mudslides, and I have never looked back. They were terrible.

That being said. I was clearly wrong and had no idea what I was talking about. This, by the way, is frequently the case, for those of you who have only had the pleasure of reading me online. A mudslide is delicious and is practically a White Russian only more alcoholic.

The MudSlide

We can make this two different ways, but it’s the same ratio just different quantities:

1 part Vodka

1 part Irish Cream

1 part Kaklua

• Combine ingredients.
• Shake, just a little.
• If making a big girl drink, just pour out of the tumbler, into the shaker and back.
• Drink and enjoy!

Evaluation

One of the things I like about the cocktail, which may not be immediately apparent is that it’s practically a White Russian. The biggest difference is that you replace the milk with Irish cream. Now, as I talked about in my last post, Irish cream is not good for those who are lactose intolerant so drinker beware!

I think it’s tasty. I like it. And who doesn’t need a reason to have Kahlua in the home?

Cost

This is a more expensive cocktail:

750 mL bottle of vodka: $15

750 mL bottle of Irish Cream: $15

750 mL bottle of Kahlua: $20

Total cost: $50

As always, happy, and safe, drinking!

If you log online and  search for “Lactose Intolerant Cocktails”  on Google, I was on the front page! It was very exciting. Unfortunately I’m not there anymore.  Because of that, when someone did a search trying to find out about whether or not Creme de Cacao was lactose free, they stumbled across my blog. At the time I did not have an answer, but, now I do.

Creme de Cacao and Irish Whiskey

Going to wikipedia, a creme refers to “a liqueur that has a great deal of additional sugar added to the point that it has a near-syrup consistency. (If you don’t like the wikipedia article, you can always refer to Classic Cocktails by Salvatore Calabrese — same definition. Unlike cream liqueurs, creme liqueurs include no cream in their ingredients.” Creme de Cacaos are lactose free and safe for human consumption if you’re allergic to lactose.

What you need to look for though are the CREAM liqueurs. A really great example of this are the Godiva liqueurs. The entire Godiva is made with cream and milk chocolate, so clearly these are potentially fatal. Always read the label, CREME is good, CREAM is bad. Be careful. The Godiva liqueur labels do not say cream or have any indication that cream is included. It is best to err on the side of caution and just focus on the “Creme de Cacao” liqueurs for safety.

I don’t feel I need to spell this out, but I will just in case. Irish Cream is NOT lactose free either. It’s made with cream in the distilling process. Other coffee liqueurs are not necessarily a replacement because Irish cream gets its flavor, by using Irish whiske. As an example, Kahlua is made from coffee but has no Irish whiskey in it. I have not really looked at a lactose free replacement for Irish cream, but if any of you want me to,  let me know. Right now, it’s just not high on my priority list. I’m always up for interesting challenges, though. Send me an email or a facebook message.

So far, I’ve had really good luck with soy milk and Creme de Cacao for all chocolate martinis which are lactose free and delicious. As always, happy and safe drinking!

Gentle Readers–

Happy New Years!

This year I’m not making any New Years’ resolutions. Instead, I’m making a New Years wish for all of you. My wish for all of you in 2010 is more champagne!

I’m really angry about the state of champagne here in the United States. We have regulated champagne into various special occasions: weddings, graduations, etc. I think we need to start celebrating all of our victories with champagne. We should consume it because our friends have just dumped a guy, had a mole removed, or because we want it. Save the expensive bottles for special occasions and find yourself a nice $10 bottle. Or, in my case and my old roommate, buck up, drink Andre, and enjoy your champagne breakfast.

Many people are silly and think that champagne must be drank by itself. Nothing could be further from the truth. You have Bellinis, Mimosas, Kir Royales, Champagne & Chambord, French Martinis to name a few of my personal favorites. Today we’re going to be mixing up a Champagne & Chambord and Kir Royale for New Years, because, really, isn’t everything prettier in pink?

Champagne & Chambord

Chilled Champagne

Raspberry Liqueur

Champagne Flute

• The champagne flute is important, no fooling.
• Pour the champagne into the flute.
• Pour a teaspoon of Chambord into the flute
• Stir and enjoy

Kir Royale

Chilled Champagne

Creme de Cassis

Champagne Flute

• The champagne flute is still important, no fooling.
• Pour the champagne into the flute.
• Pour a teaspoon of Creme de Cassis into the flute
• Stir and enjoy

Evaluation

Like I said above, champagne needs to make a comeback in our day to day lives. A little tidbit, if you have a mostly empty bottle of champagne and need to finish it the next day, a splash of club soda will bring that bottle back to life. Most of us use New Years as an excuse to drink champagne, but these two drinks are great reasons to go out and have a bottle on hand and drink up without necessitating a momentousness, life changing accomplishment. Even wart-removal, be they physical or ex-boyfriends, should be celebrated.

Cost

Champagne & Chambord

Champagne: $5 to $125

Chambord: $30 (feel free to substitute Raspberry Liqueur $10)

Cost: $15 – $155

Kir Royale

Champagne: $5 to $125

Creme de Cassis: $10

Cost: $15 – $135

Happy New Year! And, as always, happy and safe drinking.

In honor of both the holidays and the dropping temperatures, I decided this past weekend it would be a good idea to make homemade apple cider.

First, finding a recipe for homemade apple cider is an ordeal unto itself. There are few recipes I could find online. Most recipes I found require you to just purchase apple cider and spice it instead of making it from scratch. I wanted the challenge. I wanted to enter the foray of those who had gone before me. I was determined to make homemade apple cider.

After an hour of searching on Google, I finally found a recipe that I thought I could make:

Crock-Pot Homemade Apple Cider:

As you can see from the recipe, it says that you do not need to peel or core the apple. I am always suspicious of that direction, so I cored it anyway. I did leave the peel on. Michael was using the big pot to make chilli, so I abandoned the instructions in the recipe and put it in a crock-pot on high for five hours.

The recipe calls for someone to use cheesecloth, place the spices in the cheesecloth, and let it soak in the water bath. Now, I have no idea what cheesecloth is or where to buy it. Supposedly Michael knows, but I am not convinced he has received directions to “The Cheesecloth Store.” The grocery store up the street does not sell cheesecloth either, so I’m stuck improvising.

Now, I switched out of engineering and into English when I was in college, so creating a replacement for cheesecloth is a Herculean endeavor.

Michael, however, inherited Hercules’ skills and can create a bomb out of three paperclips and a wire. He MacGyvered a teabag into cheesecloth. He was busy making chilli, so I’m stuck with practical application of this little magic act. Little known fact about Twinning’s tea bags: they’re open at both ends.

I did not realize this until a large pile of brown powder was on my floor. I’m contemplating how it looks like gunpowder, before I realize it’s actually loose-leaf tea. Muttering, “Fuck,” I emptied the rest of the tea bag over the sink and cleaned up the mess. I put the nutmeg and cloves into the bag without making any more of a mess and into the cider it went. Thankfully, I do have actual cinnamon sticks, so I could place those directly into the crock-pot without causing my kitchen to explode. As the cider’s aroma wafted through the apartment, I thought I was in the clear, and, maybe, just maybe I had avoided my usual kitchen curse.

I am not that lucky. While on the phone with my dad, the handle to the crock-pot broke off. Michael and my dad started to freak out a little bit about metal getting into the apple cider. My dad hung up on me, and Michael yelled at me not to open the pot. He was too busy stirring the chilli to help me.

I grabbed a knife and shimmied the lid off the crock-pot. It lifted just enough for me to reach my pinkie under the pot to pull the lid off. I grabbed a spoon and searched the mixture for medal, which is essential less exciting version of bobbing for apples. However, Michael swore I had to do this so I wouldn’t drink metal scrapings like something out of Saw IV.

No metal got into the mixture, thank God, and we put the lid back on. The tea bag busted and the spices mixed in with the apples. This didn’t seem like it would be a big problem, although the recipe begged to differ.

About eleven, when I finally was ready to strain the mixture I realized I didn’t have a cheese cloth. This is not the first time that I’ve realized as I’ve been making beverages that I needed cheesecloth. I still don’t know what this is or where to find one. I figured I would just drain the cocktail in my strainer and put paper towels over to let the drink strain. This worked well until the paper towel broke, and I just gave up. I let the cider drain with whatever chunks fall into the cider and hope for the best.

I spiked it with Apple Jack. It was a good combination, although whiskey, rum, and unflavored brandy are all options.

Evaluation

I realized why there’s no homemade apple cider recipes online anymore. Just buy it.

Unless you have apples that are about to go bad, go to the store. According to one website I read, you have to use 32 apples to make a gallon of cider. It is cost and time effective to buy it. If you are dead set on making it, the recipe definitely worth trying out, just a lot of unnecessary work when you can buy it for the same or less price. As Michael said when perusing William Sonoma, “I think this cider cost less, but not by much.”

Anyway, Merry Christmas, and, as always, happy and safe drinking.